Rasa masa berlalu cepat sangat hari ini. Actually killed by waiting and waiting.
Hmm am not going to tell about today. As my head all is for tomorrow.
Less than 2 hours ago the doctor has informed me what has been expected. Am going to be induced tomorrow morning. And she even brief me to picture how this procedure will be run. And the risk. And the effect. Few pin points highligted :
1) Maximum induce is up to 4 times. Otherwise will go for last option if baby CTG tak cantik and no progress on dilation.
2) It will be painful. And the pain will continue and continue. I was required to inform nurse if I cant resist it so that they will cuci the inserted pills.
3) The risk - baby potentially lemas. Ouch.
And tonight baru rasa takut yang betul-betul takut. As this is my 1st pregnancy I have nothing to expect. Of course deep inside I am praying soo hard for snooth delivery. I even cried. Huhu
Tapi I am just small creature in this universe - I am no one to deny ketentuanNya. I dont ask for this delay delivery. But if this is what written to me, aku redha ya Allah.
As other expecting mommy I get myself some reading about the overdue and induced labor too. I have no word to describe my feeling right now.
Ya Allah permudahkanlah. Selamatkanlah bayi dalam perut ni. Turunkanlah dia sikit demi sikit ke pintu rahim.Pinjamkan aku kekuatan untuk 'berbicara' denganMu pada esok hari ya Allah. Kuatkanlah hatiku. Berilah aku kudrat untuk menghadapi saat indah sebelum bergelar seorang ibu. Ya Allah ampunilah dosaku.
And the prayer goes on. Ya Allah. I dont know how my nasib tomorrow. Really no idea. Hanya aku dan Allah yang tahu. InsyaAllah aku akan kuatkan semangat dengan menyakini ketentuanNya.
Sesungguhnya sakit bersalin sakit kedua selepas mati.
Seandainya tewas, InsyaAllah syahid kecil janjiNya.
InsyaAllah Allah tak akan uji lebih dari kemampuan kita.
Setiap orang ada bahagian masing-masing.
Ya Allah. Tolonglah aku esok.
Allahuakhbar
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